This is the card list for the 330 additional cards on the theme of “technology” which will go into the first completed edition of Bad Decisions.
Stories:
1 Today’s inter-office email explains our shocking announcement of [crisis], and why this resulted when [fool] [bad decision].
2 Pardon our dust. [fool][bad decision], which is why you’re seeing [crisis].
3 Did you hear about [crisis] at that new tech company? They really [bad decision]! I blame [fool].
4 [fool] trusted that [crisis] would never happen, but then someone [bad decision].
5 I admit, I [bad decision]. I couldn’t deal with [crisis] caused by [fool]!
6 Nobody [bad decision] quite like [fool]. That caused the [crisis] in the industry today.
7 [fool] showed me the worst way to deal with [crisis] yesterday: they [bad decision]!
8 [crisis], then they [bad decision]. That’s [fool] in a nutshell.
9 If you [bad decision], you might be [fool]. That’s the leading cause of [crisis].
10 When [fool][bad decision], it made [crisis] that much worse.
11 It’s bad enough to have [crisis], but now [fool][bad decision].
12 Why would anyone have [bad decision]? [crisis] can’t be all. Not even [fool] would use that excuse.
13 Because they [bad decision], [fool] was unprepared for [crisis].
14 [crisis] caught us all by surprise, especially those who [bad decision], such as [fool]!
15 [fool] + [crisis] = [bad decision]
16 When [fool] ignored [crisis], we couldn’t avoid [bad decision].
17 [crisis] will be the end of [fool], all because they [bad decision].
18 To have [bad decision], [fool] must have an allergic reaction [crisis]
19 Only [fool] ever [bad decision] because of [crisis].
20 How did [crisis] mean someone [bad decision]? Ask [fool].
21 When we [bad decision], it led to [crisis]. [fool] led us in the wrong direction.
22 [fool] looked like the hero, until [crisis] revealed how the “hero” [bad decision]
23 [crisis] wasn’t bad enough. First [fool] played around, and then [bad decision]
24 This company [bad decision] under the leadership of [fool]; we can’t afford to ignore [crisis] at this point
25 Because [fool] once again [bad decision], we still have to deal with [crisis].
26 The leading cause of [crisis]? If you [bad decision], that would cause it. [fool] didn’t know, and paid for it.
27 [bad decision]? Don’t react to [crisis] the way [fool] did.
28 [fool] [bad decision]. Nobody considered [crisis] first, like they should have.
29 [crisis] came upon [fool] suddenly, which precipitated having [bad decision]
30 Someone who [bad decision] should expect [crisis]. [fool] didn’t. It happened anyway.
Fools:
1 The Majority Share-Holder Of 27 Major Companies
2 Your Tech-Impaired Boss
3 The Chair of the Senate Technology Committee
4 The House of Commons Science and Technology Committee
5 An Apple Fanboy
6 A Techno-Peasant
7 A Selfie-Obsessed Teenager
8 A Distracted Driver
9 That Rare Sociable Engineer
10 A Coffee-Deprived Programmer
11 The Underpaid Office Intern
12 Image-Obsessed Parents
13 the MPAA* *Motion Picture Association of America
14 the RIAA* *Recording Industry Association of America
15 the FDA* *American Food and Drug Administration
16 A Short-sighted Inventor
17 An Aggressive Gadget Sales-Person
18 An Ignorant Investor
19 Anti-Technology Protesters
20 A Fatigued High-Energy Physicist
21 An Irritated End-User
22 The CEO of Tumblr
23 An Anonymous Hacktivist
24 A Social Justice Warrior
25 A Would-Be Game Changer
26 An Obscene Online Chat User
27 The New Popular Online Social Network
28 A Russian Driver With a Dash-Cam
29 That Guy Who Live-Tweets Everything
30 Some Internet Pervert
31 A Straw-Man For Hire
32 The Flat Earth Society
33 A WebMD Hypochondriac
34 A Gullible Email Reader
35 An Artificial Celebrity
36 The “History” Channel* *Which primarily shows programs about aliens and pawn shops.
37 “Music” Television* *Which hosts programs about sex and drugs, but little to no rock and roll.
38 A Guy Who Wants To “Fight IRL”
39 A Cowardly Anonymous Bully
40 An E-Sports Fan Who Won’t Shut Up
41 An Irritable Open-Source Developer
42 A Professional Gamer
43 An Underpaid QA* Tester *Quality Assurance
44 An Overpaid IP* Attorney *Intellectual Property, such as Copyright and Trademark
45 The Default Video Game Protagonist* *Almost always a stereotypical white male
46 An Unemployed Graphic Artist
47 Someone Carrying a Suitcase Full of Money
48 A Suspicious Looking Character
49 An Embodied Racial Stereotype
50 A Foul-Mouthed Podcaster
51 An Identity Thief
52 A Fatigued Trucker
53 This Guy Who Won’t Shut Up About Trains
54 A Subway Train Conductor
55 A Robotic Fish
56 An Overbooked Computer Repair Service
57 An Unskilled Cable Installer
58 An Overworked Technician
59 A Clueless Co-Worker
60 NASA* *The United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration
61 CERN* *Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire in French, or European Council for Nuclear Research in English
62 The Mayo Clinic
63 The FCC* *The United States Federal Communication Commission
64 IBM
65 Microsoft
66 Apple, Inc.
67 Sony
68 A Major Auto Manufacturer
69 The Aerospace Industry
70 The Military-Industrial Complex
71 Big Oil
72 An Unethical Blog-”Journalist”
73 A Sysadmin-Ninja
74 An Irate Tech-Support Caller
75 A Willfully Obstinate Jerk
76 The Same Person Twelve Times in a Row
77 A Scientist With Several Ph.D.s
78 An Unhelpful Help-desk
79 A Caller On Hold Long Enough To Hallucinate
80 A Different Company’s Customer
81 An Online Trash-Talker
82 A Total N00b* *new or unskilled player
83 An Elderly Web-Surfer
84 A Computer Science Teacher
85 A Concerned Parent
86 Teenage Mall Punks
87 A First-Year College Student
88 A Smothering Mother
89 An Amish Youth On a Rumspringa Journey
90 A Zoned-Out Phone Browser
91 A Coworker Straight Out Of Dilbert
92 The Company Social Media Coordinator
93 A Celebrity Hired For Publicity Reasons
94 An International Criminal Genius
95 The Idiot Responsible For This Mess
96 An Anti-Vax Blogger
97 A Slovenly & Inept Plumber
98 The CTO Of A Major Bank
99 Microsoft Bob™
100 An Uncreative Product Developer
Crises:
1 running out of RAM
2 memory leaks
3 the ultimate nightmare of customer service
4 horribly tangled cables
5 spilling soda on the motherboard
6 planned obsolescence* *objects designed to fail so you must buy new ones
7 new technology rendering older household electronics useless
8 being falsely red-flagged in an FBI database
9 the dreaded Blue Screen of Death
10 texting while driving
11 a website with many broken links
12 smartphones becoming the new digital nannies
13 an expensive laptop screen repair
14 finding child porn on a customer’s hard drive
15 illegal downloads hurting music sales
16 an “out of ink” printer error
17 the emergency cutoff switch failing
18 a cell phone battery dying in half an hour
19 rising oil prices
20 globalization creating a new babel* online *place where nobody understands each others’ language
21 software bugs hiding from debuggers
22 teens sexting with online predators
23 an easily-abusable software exploit
24 firearm lethality outpacing owners’ safety practices
25 new standards require replacing expensive equipment
26 driving cross country, non-stop
27 paying extra for airline “food” on a 15 hour flight
28 answering just one more email
29 the phone ringing non-stop
30 getting sucked into a wiki-dive* *when you just keep clicking one more informational link after another on a site such as wikipedia
31 another pseudo-documentary on “historical alien contact”
32 receiving online death threats
33 accidentally installing malware* *malicious software which takes away control of your computer
34 sending a nasty email to the whole company
35 glimpsing a co-worker’s search history
36 having engine trouble
37 losing an online game
38 cheating on a standardized test
39 nothing happening, when something should
40 a circuit overloading
41 a collapse in the price of bitcoin
42 a hoax about a “miracle cure”
43 an exploding poop plant* *anaerobic digester which produces methane power from human/animal waste
44 fire at the gas station
45 having to put out a literal fire in the company servers
46 a flood of error messages
47 motor oil getting everywhere* *yes, even THERE!
48 the LHC* actually triggering the formation of a black hole *Large Hadron Collider
49 television ads which are actually controlling minds
50 falling into the Kola borehole* *The deepest hole made by humans.
51 a random number generator seeming too predictable
52 the device not being plugged in
53 figuring out an 18% gratuity
54 forgetting the password
55 defective brakes failing on a slope
56 a GPS failing in the middle of nowhere
57 running out of gas
58 zero cell phone signal bars
59 unsafe radiation levels
60 a toxic chemical spill
61 not knowing how to google
62 a barrage of un-explained internet initialisms
63 an incestuous tangle of old AV cables
64 the inevitable robot uprising
65 the self-checkout register failing to ring up an item
66 a digital billboard showing a windows error message
67 a broken ATM* spewing out all its receipt tape *Automatic Teller Machine
68 the Google street view car catching a public urinator
69 Windows’ own restart process preventing a restart
70 an error message declaring failure to find an error message
71 a customer trying to scam tech support
72 the male-dominated STEM* field *Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics
73 CAPS LOCK BEING TURNED ON BY MISTAKE
74 aggressive dogs bothering the installation tech
75 not knowing what “backup” means
76 accidentally setting the background image to an incriminating photo
77 a problem which could be easily solved with a quick web search
78 components being installed without removing all the packaging
79 not getting a connection for unknown reasons
80 the presence of chemicals in literally everything
81 battered tech support specialist syndrome
82 the latest stupid reality TV show
83 a realistic game being mistaken for reality
84 a long list of codes to memorize
85 shoved a credit card in the disk drive
86 knowing the solution due to past illegal acts
87 receiving parts for the wrong device
88 an improperly installed part
89 a breach in network security
90 misleading acronyms
91 mass firings and layoffs in the company
92 a diaper tweeting when it gets soiled
93 hazardous chemicals leaking into the public water supply
94 new computers smelling like cat pee
95 having to pay extra for that
96 missing a crucial piece of hardware
97 dumping physical memory
98 mixing up the blackwater and greywater pipes
99 heat conducting from the parts to the person’s skin
100 a complete loss of banking data
Bad Decisions:
1 promised to make thousands of microchips in a home garage
2 installed Linux on the microwave oven
3 discouraged invention in favor of profits
4 declined to fund the new product (which hits it big next year)
5 bought the newest thing just because it’s new
6 deleted an important email (and emptied the trash)
7 violated privacy rights with new brain-scanner devices
8 texted someone sitting in the same room
9 took a video for YouTube instead of helping
10 watched the GPS instead of the road
11 made changes to the live code without source protection* *a backup which stores previous versions of the code to restore to in case of failure.
12 allowed children unsupervised internet access
13 deleted an important email, then emptied the trash
14 didn’t try a simple web-search before complaining
15 handed a hard drive full of illegal pornography in at a store for malware cleaning
16 didn’t pressure test the boiler
17 assumed the new invention would never be misused
18 pre-sold millions in vaporware*, then went bankrupt *a product, especially software, which doesn’t actually exist.
19 sold the patent rights to the next big thing for chump change
20 tried to hold back technology with lawsuits
21 sold the bugs in the code as “features”
22 stayed up for the midnight gadget launch on a work night
23 allowed anonymous users to edit the official website
24 failed to keep equipment up to code
25 ignored dozens of customer complaints
26 played online games for 36 hours without moving
27 freaked out over un-answered text messages
28 texted 400 times in an hour
29 left a clingy voice-mail message
30 programmed while drunk, leaving cryptic comments in the code
31 kicked it until it worked (or broke worse)
32 watched porn videos at full volume on public transit
33 asked, “who the hell do you think I am!?”
34 ran away while police cruisers slowly rolled along behind
35 believed sketchy gadget advertisements
36 drove off with a motorcycle gang
37 looted and set fires during the blackout
38 failed to deliver on the hype
39 talked smack with no intention to back up the words
40 trusted an email from a “nigerian prince” requesting a bank account
41 convinced usenet the universe is actually a plutonium atom
42 launched an IPO* without an actual product *Initial Public Offering of stock shares
43 badmouthed the boss without hanging up the earpiece phone-call
44 put the cotton shirts in the hot water wash cycle
45 meddled with things humans should leave alone
46 played dice with the universe
47 put kerosene* in a gasoline engine *jet fuel
48 threw away the user manual without reading it
49 literally threw a wrench in the works
50 literally ground their gears
51 plugged it into the wrong socket
52 took a photo of the smartphone screen
53 printed phone app screenshots at the photo center
54 stuck a game DVD in an old Nintendo Entertainment System
55 took photos of the delicious restaurant meal until it got cold
56 relied on unproven systems
57 fudged the data for profit
58 put a screen door on the submarine
59 installed a jet engine on a compact car
60 expected the map to match the territory
61 ignored the project specifications
62 mistook HTML* for an STD* *HyperText Markup Language, which is not a Sexually Transmitted Disease
63 developed a prototype pizza, which was inedible
64 wouldn’t stop playing games on the tablet for the family christmas photo
65 named the wifi “hack this if you can”
66 trusted autocomplete while texting
67 used an obviously shopped photo for a profile picture
68 took a phone selfie while acting in a period re-enactment
69 asked Google how to Google
70 tried to insert a CD into an iPad
71 shot the computer in frustration
72 assumed a woman couldn’t be an engineer
73 damaged the device, then returned it, claiming it was faulty
74 tried to seduce the tech for a discount
75 downloaded a car
76 called the IT helpdesk for a blocked toilet
77 demanded their ISP* make them friends on a social network *Internet Service Provider
78 put the hard drive in the dishwasher to do disk cleanup
79 lied on the internet, assuming nobody would fact-check it
80 assumed the recorded message was incorrect
81 believed airplane mode was for talking to airplanes
82 clicked the wrong button repeatedly
83 asked a Ph.D. to perform basic adult tasks
84 set the browser home page to porn
85 lied about having sent emails and made phone calls
86 demanded a physical object be sent by fax
87 shouted at someone who wasn’t at fault
88 tried to pay the victim with his own stolen credit card
89 blamed foreign government hackers
90 did not read any of the clearly-marked signs
91 erased the hard drive with a sledgehammer
92 drove drunk and bragged about it
93 re-sold the same network capacity multiple times
94 ran an offensive attack ad
95 made an inappropriate joke, which went viral
96 said “it’s impossible.”
97 acted smart but didn’t fix anything
98 ignored smoke and sparks
99 refused to vaccinate the children
100 didn’t panic soon enough
Ian Price, author of the Tabletop Treasury posts on this site, is the creator of Kitsune: of Foxes and Fools and Bad Decisions, and has contributed to the Ghouls, Carthians, and Chronicler’s Guide books for Vampire: The Requiem. Bad Decisions has a Kickstarter project, which successfully funded, and an interactive website!